New Delhi: In Manipur, a state deeply scarred by ongoing conflict, two groups sat across from each other—divided by hatred, loss, and the weight of unimaginable grief. Each side spoke of the horrors their community had endured, unwilling to see beyond their suffering. Then, the conversation shifted. They were asked to acknowledge the pain of their enemies.
“I asked them to spend the next hour not just thinking about their own community’s suffering but also what people on both sides endured. The anger and betrayal they felt extended to realising that their own community had also harmed others. It became an exercise in empathy and compassion, and I watched as the irreconcilable rage on both sides gradually quieted when they recognised each other’s pain,” said Harsh Mander, an Indian author, columnist, researcher, teacher, and social activist.
The third dialogue in the IIC-WISCOMP collaborative series, WISCOMP Dialogues: Conversations on Mediation, brought together experts at the India International Centre to examine the power of compassion in resolving conflicts. Among them was Prabha Sankaranarayan, President and CEO of Mediators Beyond Borders International (MBBI), who, drawing from her vast experience across the US, Africa, and Asia, emphasised that mediation is not just about brokering agreements but about fostering genuine human connection. Joining her, Mander underscored the role of empathy in breaking cycles of violence, advocating for mediation that does more than settle disputes—it heals wounds and rebuilds fractured communities.
“In many ways, Manipur today has become a metonym for what happens when violence becomes uninterrupted and uninterruptible,” said Meenakshi Gopinath, Principal of Lady Shri Ram College for Women, stressing how entrenched conflict resists resolution. She urged for mediation shaped by local “reverberations and aspirations”, not just external interventions. “True peace depends on women-led peace processes and proximate mediation, ensuring solutions emerge from within,” she said, highlighting how women mediators navigate complex, borderless challenges with flexible, inclusive leadership, fostering peace through collaborative, localized efforts over rigid, state-centric models.
Psychology of conflict wounds
A teenage boy in Rwanda, once a survivor of unimaginable horrors, became what he feared most—a participant in violence. Years after witnessing the genocide that took away his family, he found himself wielding the same hatred, caught in a cycle of revenge. As Sankaranarayan said, this is the cruel reality of conflict: violence does not just impact victims—it transforms perpetrators as well.
“Hurt people hurt,” Sankaranarayan said, adding how cycles of trauma perpetuate conflict, trapping generations in its grip.
Her work with white supremacists in the US provides a stark example. “The typical reaction is, ‘How can you work with these people?’ But if we are only talking to ourselves, no change happens. Dialogue must engage all sides, even the ones we despise,” she said.
Mander expanded on this idea, introducing the concept of ‘egalitarian compassion’. “True compassion is not about superiority—it is about recognising that tomorrow, I may be the one in need,” he explained.
He described how violence inflicted by one’s own neighbours leaves deep wounds that a single lifetime is often too short for healing. The key to breaking cycles of violence, Mander said, is recognition of shared humanity, even with those who commit harm.
Sankaranarayan said that before attempting to mediate others’ pain, one must first confront their own biases. “Becoming a mediator means being open to self-examination. And self-examination can be dangerous because you might change. We can change. When we begin to look at our own perceptions, our own biases and prejudices, we can go through a process of transformation,” she noted.
This transformation is essential to breaking deep-seated cycles of retaliation, Sankaranarayan said. The impact of violence extends far beyond the immediate event, carried on by generations. Trauma, she noted, is inherited, shaping identities, perceptions, and fears long after the physical wounds have healed.
Mander painted a haunting picture of the deep, lingering wounds inflicted by conflict, especially when violence comes from one’s own neighbours. He stressed that unresolved trauma shapes identities, reinforces divisions, and inevitably resurfaces, often in more destructive ways. “Mediation must create spaces for historical acknowledgement and justice,” he said.
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Mediation as active peace-building
Compassion, Sankaranarayan suggested, is the missing link in general mediation processes—the key to transforming deep wounds into understanding. She recalled how the Dalai Lama once asked, “You study conflict all the time. When will you study compassion?” That question, she said, reshaped her approach. True mediation is not about polite conversations in comfortable rooms but about entering spaces of deep pain and holding space for transformation.
Her experience in Sri Lanka made this clear. She worked with young girls forcibly recruited by the Tamil Tigers—first victims, then perpetrators, now outcasts in their own society.
“The wells of darkness in their eyes—I will never forget. How do we bring them back into the fold?” Sankaranarayan asked.
Mander echoed this, describing an exercise after the Manipur violence where he brought opposing communities together. When asked to acknowledge the pain of the other, “The anger, the betrayal—it began to quiet down.”
This, they stressed, is the power of mediation when infused with compassion. Through storytelling, historical acknowledgement, and genuine efforts at reconciliation, mediation can do more than resolve conflict—it can be an opportunity for healing and deeper connection.
(Edited by Ratan Priya)