Sunday, January 29, 2023
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What economic slowdown, Zee News & India TV are busy giving tips on surviving nuclear attacks

According to self-appointed nuclear expert, TV anchor Sudhir Chaudhary, the best way to protect yourself is to stand stark naked under a cold shower.

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Have you begun to dig a bunker in your home? Or acquired clothes made of radiation-resistant material? Well, if you’re not already six feet under, we suggest you buy a spade, immediately; if you have bought the clothes, please tell us where you purchased them.

On second thoughts, forget about the clothing. According to self-appointed nuclear expert, TV anchor Sudhir Chaudhary (Zee News), the best way to protect yourself after a nuclear attack is to stand stark naked under a cold shower, but not scrub your skin—it might just peel off.

These are just a few of the many useful tips on what to do in the event of a nuclear attack that Chaudhary so very thoughtfully shared with viewers.

Chaudhary appears to have taken Pakistan Prime Minister Imran Khan very seriously when he spoke about a nuclear conflict in the subcontinent after India’s abrogation of Article 370, that granted special status to Kashmir. And as a high-minded journalist, he felt it was his duty to warn the public about a fate worse than… what could be worse than a nuclear war?

Also read: Why Pakistan is changing its tune on Kashmir

India TV was sufficiently impressed by Imran Khan’s warnings to get up, close and personal with nuclear weapons, and offered a comparison of India and Pakistan’s nuclear weapons arsenals.

Obviously, there was no comparison: ‘India has 130-140 nuclear bombs’, it declared (isn’t that supposed to be a state secret?); India possesses a nuclear submarine—it might even be a ‘yellow submarine’ that The Beatles sang about–Pakistan doesn’t.

India TV screenshot

The India TV anchor stood encircled by nuclear bombs while a Hiroshima-like mushroom explosion went off behind him—he remained calm in the face of headlines that would have made a lesser man quake:  “Islamabad nahin bachega”, “If there is a war, Pakistan will not survive…”, “in one go, 2 crore, 10 lakh people will be killed”, they announced (almost trigger happy), if a nuclear confrontation takes place between India and Pakistan. So readers, get thee to that bunker.

You might need to live in a bunker, in any case, to shield you from the other bad or fake news, both of which are enough to drive you underground.

Also read: NewsX, India Today, India TV took aerial survey of Kashmir and found everything ‘peaceful’

Economy under the carpet & ‘fake’ foreign media

The Sensex tumbled “800 points” reported Mirror Now (770 points to be exact) – the most in a year, and the rupee fell to a 9-month low. The channel not only discussed ‘what ails the Indian economy’ but also interviewed daily labourers in Delhi: one said he had got work just once in the week, another said he had worked for eight days in a month—how was it enough to feed their families, they asked.

Had this news been reported by the foreign media or the `Lutyens’ media, as Republic TV likes to call them, Times Now would have declared it ‘fake news’ from the ‘fake news brigade’. However, when ET Now also reported it, Times Now had no option but to look for fakery elsewhere.

It found it in the BBC, CNN and The New York Times. During the last week, Times Now and Republic TV have countered reporting on Kashmir by these media organisations that suggested violent protests have occurred and resulted in injury to Kashmiris in the Valley.

While Times Now ran ‘the Kashmir reality video’, Republic TV had ‘The Kashmir Truth – voices Lutyens’ must hear’. Both carried footage of people, they claimed, had been injured by alleged stone pelters: “Civilians attacked… Kashmiri killed by Kashmiri”, observed Times Now, “will foreign media report this?”.

#KashmirBacksModi it added, with footage of young men apparently lining up to join the Indian Army.

‘Kashmir v/s Lutyens’ is how Republic TV framed its story on a man with a bandaged head describing how he had been set upon by some stone pelters. “Listen to the real voice of Kashmir…” Republic TV said.

These reports may or may not be authentic: what they do confirm is that there has been some violence on the streets in which stone-pelting has occurred. This begs another question: why is it that Indian news channels have not been able to find any of these alleged stone pelters or reported on any violence? The best way to dismiss international media reports is to provide viewers with good, objective reporting from Kashmir.

Any takers?

Also read: How foreign media has covered Kashmir crisis — and run foul of Modi govt

In other news

Away from Kashmir, nuclear bunkers and cold showers, Navika Kumar interviewed Bollywood’s most ‘reserved couple’ Rishi Kapoor and Neetu Singh in New York, where the former has been recuperating. It was a heartwarming interaction that saw Rishi Kapoor yearning for ‘dal-chawal’ and Neetu recounting how everyone who came to New York came to see him: “he is the Statue of Liberty!’’ she laughed.

Star World telecast a riveting and frightening documentary ‘The Heart of Gold’, that recounted the testimonials of young gymnasts in the care of USA gymnastics team doctor Larry Nassar who was convicted of sexually harassing them. There is frightening normalcy to the footage of Dr Nassar with the young girls: they are often accompanied by their mothers, and one of the girls said that because Nassar touched her inappropriately in the presence of her mother, she thought it was alright. Sends a shiver down your spine…

Sunil Gavaskar had the last word— on Sony Six. During the second Test match against the West Indies, fellow commentator Ian Bishop remarked that some people had suspected Jaspreet Bumrah’s bowling action—Bumrah took a hat-trick in the first innings.

Gavaskar immediately objected, and proceeded to lecture Bishop on how Bumrah’s arm was ‘straight’ at the point of delivery. He suggested that naysayers “get a life”.

Well said, Little Master.

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  1. Non Hindi speaking population are very lucky that they are not in the trap such propaganda news channels who spread biased/partial/distorted information as per the desires of government.

      • Point is….. These channels are indulging in Panic mongering of Nuclear Attack when the country is worried about economy and lack of jobs… When possibility nuclear attack is so eminent what is the Fucking urgency of abolishing Article 370 when country has hell lot of other crucial issues to deal with.

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