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HomeOpinionLearn from Modi, dear Hema Malini. When there is a tragedy, be...

Learn from Modi, dear Hema Malini. When there is a tragedy, be silent

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Hema Malini’s remarks about over-population as the cause of the Kamala Mills fire makes this movie reviewer cringe.

I wish Hemaji would learn to say, ‘Good morning ji’ to Modiji on WhatsApp. He would be telling her to imitate him and not say a word. Be just like him, Hemaji. No matter how many kids die in government hospitals, just shut up. No matter how many people are killed because of their religion, stay quiet. No matter where is the fire, please be like him. Don’t say anything. No matter what, shut up. Because when you open your mouth, and gobbledegook emanates from your pretty mouth, people will be mean to you. And I just hate that.

Remember your song: Kya Khoob Lagti Ho, Badi Sundar Dikhtee Ho? How beautiful your red dress was and that shiny hair-band! The song says, ‘Kya Khoob Lagti Ho..’ Does it say, ‘Bahut accha bolti ho’?

So resist, dream girl, the temptation of speaking any time a microphone is thrust in your face.

I really liked you when you were in the movies. But in the movies, they gave you readymade dialogues which you repeated in your breathy voice. In fact, Jai already spoke about the virtue of being ‘mitbhashi’ in Sholay, ‘Bahut jyada bolti hai!’ We take life lessons from that film! Why didn’t you?

Gabbar spoke about you in 1975 too, wondering about quality of atta you consumed. After hearing you ramble on about overpopulation being the true cause of the fire at Kamala Mills, even he would have asked, ‘Kaun sa namak khaati hai re? Iodine ki kami lagti hai.’

I’ve loved you in the movies. But didn’t the BJP home office hand you Our Kampf audio guide for the saffron members who are grey matter challenged when you joined?

Laparvahi ki vajah se, authorities jo hai permission de dete hain…’ How awesome of you to admit BMC ki ‘laparvahi’. Isn’t it made up of your party and the Sena? Which neta has admitted mistakes? Only you Hemaji, only you! How great you are! I imagine you at the BMC headquarters singing, ‘Jaan Ki Kasam…Khushi Ho Ya Gham, (Blame) Baant Lenge Hum Aadha Aadha!’

And then you say: Because too much population bhi hai!

Seriously I was distracted by your saree then, but suddenly everyone was gasping and I wish I could rewind that bit! Little did I know all TV channels were going to make that moment so popular! Clearly, Shashi Kapoor was dead wrong when he sang ‘Kehte Darti Ho…’

Seriously, Jaaneman Tum Kamaal Karti Ho! But you redeem yourself when you add:

“There should be a city on top of this city…” I almost faint with joy! Multi-layered cities are a great idea, Hemaji! Someone please make her chairperson of NITI Aayog!

Then straight out of Gattaca, Hemaji reminds us that limiting population in the cities should be a done thing. But who according to you should stay in the city? And if overpopulated, who should go?

Yaad hai Hemaji, when Karnataka blokes from your party did not want you contesting for the Rajya Sabha because you were an outsider, you said you belonged to the whole country.

Then are you volunteering to be part of the ‘population’ sent off to ‘another city, next city.’

Please don’t make me regret being a fan.

It must be some kind of ‘jaadu’ only that makes Hemaji speak of forced migration to jobless reporters. Why couldn’t they find someone else in a parliament that has 543 members? Didn’t the reporter know Hemaji has danced around dry ice in many movies? And that dry ice is not exactly… What if she has inhaled too much of carbon dioxide? Should her statement be taken seriously?

Where is Sarah Huckabee Sanders when you need her to explain Hemaji’s not hinting at a Future Eugenics programme by our ruling party, that she’s not toeing some strange party line (‘Baith Ja Baith Gayi, Khadi Ho Ja, Khadi Ho Gayi’) But after reading all the outrage on social media, I’m not so sure about things between us now.

I want to be a fan Hemaji, and I don’t want to dismiss you as an airhead, but what can I do when your words make me want to get into the shower and sing, ‘Rama Rama Gajab Huyi Gawa Re!’ Wish you had taken inspiration from that WW2 poster: Be like Dad, Keep Mum.

As Amitabh Bachchan sang for your fans: Pyaar Hame Kis Moad Pe Le Aaaya

Manisha Lakhe is a writer, movie fanatic in Mumbai. Her Twitter handle is @manishalakhe

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3 COMMENTS

  1. damned if you do and damned if you don’t.. when is the right time and who is the right person to raise this issue? Just because Hema Malini was a glamor girl, she is intellectually not disposed? I hope you being a lady should be encouraging her to succeed than putting her down. Let us take this cue and look at how china controls population of a city by having registration and enforcing safety standards. And shut up if you don’t want to help and don’t make it all the time a saffron or a BJP issue.

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